What Marketers Say (and what they really mean)

Conrad Saam | January 20, 2017

I’m Google Specialist, Bill Smith….

I don’t work for Google.

I’m calling from Yelp.

I hope math scares you.

I was just disconnected from [insert attorney name], can you please transfer me to her.

Its 4:00 pm on a Friday, I’m cold calling and hoping I can get past the gatekeeper so I can fulfill this week’s “live fish” quota.

Are you familiar with Yahoo’s Gemini ad product that competes with Adwords?

Marissa – seriously you leave me to pick up the pieces of this stinking pile of garbage?

You need another website/blog

I sell websites or blogs.

You need more content to capture the long tail.

I don’t know why your site isn’t generating business, but I’m going to shift the blame to you.

We specialize in geofencing.

I hope you are easily impressed with jargon and shiny objects.

Join me on meerkat

I hope you are easily impressed with jargon and shiny objects.

We are content marketing specialists.

We will add plug-ins to your site to automagically repost the content to your Twitter and Facebook accounts.

We are Google Partners.

We sell Adwords.

I guarantee number one rankings.

I’ll burn your site within two months and then move on to the next sucker.

Would you like to guest post on our law firm’s blog?

I’m the in-house SEO person (well I’m a receptionist 95% of the time, but was told to handle some of this internet stuff in between calls).